Thoughts During the Train Underwater...

    On the subway ride I kept thinking about the gap between one wants to do and what is actually done. I kept thinking about people, myself included, in situations that fail to full fill us. It seem a tragedy that on many occasions day go by when we are vessels filled with a longing to be immersed in a different activity. I've been going through a strange patch of the blues, a haze of blue in a way seems to have permeated into my immediate existence. This lacking has become a definite presence in my thoughts, it lurks darkly and silently when my attention is engaged elsewhere and before I can halter its movement it has found me again, vulnerable and receptive. I find that it is vital to explore my feelings, only by diving in can I regain inner balance and further understanding of myself.
     But I meant go along a different route, I began to take steps for the time and actions I need in my life. May this haze lift from my thoughts once it all begins to fold in and unite. The act of exploring this through writing already has helped.

The other notion that came to my head often during the ride was that of possibility.

Will continue...

A Soul in Kilter After Reading a Script...

I feel so much love towards the world at the moment, a strange feeling for me lately. Maybe that old adage is true, after the tempest comes the calm (although I could am reluctant to use the word "calm" itself, perhaps sense, love, endearment?). I was browsing my bookshelves in search of something to read, I didn't quite want to jump into Plato yet... I grabbed two books, one is Brida by Paulo Coelho which I read a few years ago, the other the script for Before Sunrise, one of my favorite movies. I ordered it a long, long time ago but never read it, now seemed like the appropriate time. I just finished and it left me feeling this deep, warmth... a mixture of love, melancholy, and marvel towards life itself. The story is about a chance encounter that meant much more.

I am thinking of how much I have changed through life, religious points of view, political thoughts, but three things have always remained, Art, Travel, and Souls. All life long these have stayed the same. I believe in souls, in soul mates as well. Finishing this script threw me into this nebulae of thoughts. I have been pondering on chances, the path that I chose and where the path that I didn't take might have led me...I love chance encounters that end up making an impact on people's lives. I guess the script I just read felt so close because as I read it I could empathize, analyzing a life but sometimes being detached is something I feel sometime and fear as well. But this same fear is the reason that connecting with people brings me such joy...

Soul mates seem to be the reoccurring theme of my day, I am half certain I was discussing them in my dream, this was the overall impressing the script left me, and it is the way Brida begins.  I feel like there is this beautiful chaos for me to discover...