On the subway ride I kept thinking about the gap between one wants to do and what is actually done. I kept thinking about people, myself included, in situations that fail to full fill us. It seem a tragedy that on many occasions day go by when we are vessels filled with a longing to be immersed in a different activity. I've been going through a strange patch of the blues, a haze of blue in a way seems to have permeated into my immediate existence. This lacking has become a definite presence in my thoughts, it lurks darkly and silently when my attention is engaged elsewhere and before I can halter its movement it has found me again, vulnerable and receptive. I find that it is vital to explore my feelings, only by diving in can I regain inner balance and further understanding of myself.
But I meant go along a different route, I began to take steps for the time and actions I need in my life. May this haze lift from my thoughts once it all begins to fold in and unite. The act of exploring this through writing already has helped.
The other notion that came to my head often during the ride was that of possibility.
Will continue...
