Conversations In Vehicles...

Somewhat sad and a bit gray is how I am feeling right now. As I moved further and further from religion it also became more difficult for me to relate to people. The good thing is that I do have a few friends, people that I can count on, talk to, cherish.. other people on the other hand I struggle with; I don't mean to keep them at a distance it's just hard to express yourself sometimes... I often wind up trying to keep everything and everyone together it's exhausting and I don't succeed very much. I often get polarized and absorbed by one thing and completely neglect the others. This is something I am trying to fix, to fix when it relates to people. Months ago I would have shivered at the motion of seeking balance because it's not the type of person I am and for some time it had been entwined in my mind with setting, I am learning to process that it is not. Recently my family has been becoming much more spiritual oriented, I love this and while in some aspects I can connect to them on a deeper level on some I still can't. Some day I feel ecstatic because of the conversations we share, others I just feel unsatisfied. I'm the problem but, as I wrote, it's difficult for me to vociferate my feelings to many people.